one2onecounselling5 things successful couples avoid in conversations with each other!
Research shows things partners say and do in a conversation to protect themselves, often hurt the other. And so arguments keep repeating in a never ending cycle.
The culprits of a hurtful conversation are:
1. Criticise
2. Withdraw
3. Blame
4. Resentful compliance
5. Whine/defend
The Self Protection is Hurting Your Partner
Pointing the finger, blaming and criticising may seem as something partners do when they want to prove the other wrong but in fact its a way the blamer uses to defend the self. According to the experts, Blaming, is also a way of blocking of self discovery.
Turning away, or Stonewalling (John Gottman), is another way of defending and protecting the self, which tends to hurt by sending a message 'I am not important enough for you to stay'.
Asking Questions and Being Curious During a Conversation
Being open and excepting during a discussion will aid in creating a more respectful, successful and productive conversation.