What to Expect From Couples Therapy – And How to Get the Most Out of It

Beyond Blame: A Realistic Guide to Couples Therapy

Couples often arrive at therapy unsure of what to expect—of the process, of each other, and even of the therapist. Some believe therapy is about "finding the bad guy," while others hope to gain tools or have someone finally validate their side of the story. These are all natural responses when people are in pain and longing for clarity, connection, and change.

In my experience as a relationship counsellor, I’ve found that having clear expectations—and understanding my approach—can be one of the most helpful ways to begin.

Here’s What I’d Like You to Know:

• I do have expectations of you. Therapy is a collaborative effort. The more intentional and open you are—both in and between sessions—the more you'll get out of the process.

• I’m not neutral. My role is not to pick sides, but I am deeply invested in your relationship as a whole. I will gently challenge either or both of you when needed to support growth and understanding.

• What you do outside of sessions matters. True transformation happens not just in the therapy room, but in how you apply insights and practice new skills in real life.

• It may be uncomfortable. Growth often is. Like learning to ride a bike, you might fall a few times. But with effort and patience, those skills become second nature.

• Repair is more important than never fighting. Disagreements are inevitable. What matters more is how you reconnect, show empathy, and express validation—even when you don’t agree.

Guiding Principles in My Work

Your relationship is my client. My goal is to help both of you feel safe, heard, and empowered to become better partners—not just for each other, but for yourselves. My work is influenced by research-based approaches such as The Gottman Method and The Developmental Model by Drs. Ellyn Bader & Peter Pearson.

Therapy isn’t about fixing one partner. It’s about building something better together.

Maximizing Your Time in Couples Therapy

One common trap is coming to each session to rehash the latest argument. Instead, try reflecting ahead of time:

1. What are my goals for therapy?

2. What’s my next small step toward becoming the partner I aspire to be?

3. How can I show up today to support the relationship we want to create?

By focusing on your own role, your vision, and your desired outcomes, you shift from reaction to intention.

Final Thoughts:

Couples therapy is not about perfection—it’s about progress. When you show up with a willingness to reflect, grow, and take ownership of your contribution to the relationship, powerful change is possible. And I’m here to guide you through that journey.